i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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