I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
