Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
