i just google imaged poop.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
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he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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