Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
there was a trapeze. enough said
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
