i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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