I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize