Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Holy shit dude........stairs
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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