turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
