your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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