WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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