Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Randomize
