why didn't you poke me back
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
