Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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