my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
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