Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
