The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
