I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
