Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
