Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
