All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
