Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
