Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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