Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
