I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
3pm strippers are depressing
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
