He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize
