I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
