1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
