She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you will always have a special place in my vag
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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