I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
