you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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