Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
