how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
