i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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