do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
