i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
