You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
