Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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