yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Randomize
