i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
