haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
