stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
