Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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