There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
