Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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