first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
