I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
