i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
