I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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