When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
