He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
