Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
