NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
