Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
