we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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