TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
