i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
