Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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