RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
