Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i was born a porn star she said
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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