You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
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