He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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