The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
