he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
