Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
