she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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