With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
