If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
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I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
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Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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