when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
