cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
