Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
