you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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