I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
this boner is exhausting
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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