operation harelip BJ is a go
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
