What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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