a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
