Life is so much better after having sex.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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